bite the bullet

MAROON; FIVE.

Idle thoughts.

School is sucking the life out of me like a dementor. The only difference being - no amount of happy thoughts can save me this time round. I feel defeated. Like there's so little reason for me to keep going when almost every single day it's just mindless cramming of information into my pea-sized brain. What's the point really? I enjoy learning and dare I say it, studying (at times) but not to the extent of having to overload my brain with chapter after chapter of blurry information.

It's almost mission impossible - this task of completing 8 chapters of Biopyschology. Each chapter has an average of 30 pages. I take at least half an hour to fully understand one page. One friggin' page!!! Currently, I'm only up till the third chapter. The exam is on Thursday. Do the math and you'll realise how screwed I am. Oh yes, and my midterms for Psycholinguistics is on Wednesday, which sadly I haven't even started studying for.

Aside from the ranting, I am really sorry that others have the burden of filling in for my incompetency. I look at the work schedule/ time sheets and crumble inside. It feels horrible knowing that Qixin and Venus are working their guts off because I'm caught up with school. This feeling really sucks. I know that I can't just walk away like that, but times like this - I wish I could. It makes me wonder how some people make alternating between commitments seem almost effortless.

I just wanna apparate away to a school where exams aren't as important as your survival skills, and I get to play Quidditch every day. Is Hogwarts accepting Muggles (muggers) anytime soon?

Random sidenote: the shopping bug has bitten again! They don't call it retail therapy for nothing. ;)

queen of procrastination

Yes, right now I'm still stuck at stage one and it annoys the hell out of me that I'm so unmotivated to get started when finals are really just round the corner - in two weeks time. I need a plan. Or two, in fact. An exercise plan AND a study plan. It sucks that I often need others to motivate me into studying. Perhaps it's time to begin my loner regime once more.

There's really hardly anything that makes me happy these days. Too many problems, too few people I trust enough to confide in. At some point, I ask myself: What do I truly want from myself? And it's so frustrating because there's no clear answer to this yet. It'd be great if I had plenty of money though. Surely that would take away a huge load of stress regarding my future? Shallow, yes. But you gotta admit that money is a necessary evil, or however you may choose to put it. I don't wanna bring in the entire theory about Maslow's hierarchy of needs here, but you get my drift.

I've been having thoughts about leaving again. Y'know, not really physically but emotionally? I'm tired of chasing after people because at the end of the day, I think I've done and said enough.

On an utterly random sidenote, I wanna get my cui nails done again! And because I'm nice, I'll share this bit of news here: Get a free session of nail painting or a $10 voucher at Juup Nails simply by liking their FB page (link) and downloading the voucher! :)

Weary heart.

:)

Looking at this photo makes me smile. It's been too long since we had a group photo taken together, and in between this period, there have been so many changes. We're all growing up real quickly, aren't we? In time to come, the boys that have become a huge part of my life will have to serve NS, and I'll be alone for the most part since my girls are usually too busy for impromptu meetups of any sort. :( It kinda saddens me to think of that happening, which is partly the reason why I've been overloading my schedule with all sorts of work and activities. 

fattyacids and lipids

Baby, you're a Fattyblob. 

Come on let your lipids burst!~ (sung to the tune of "Fireworks")

happy wabbit year!

GONG XI FA CAI!

oh yea, oh yea, oh yea, HEY!

JJ Lin's song really haunts us all like a bad horror movie.

School is getting irksome, I wish I was working and earning money and given the freedom to do what I want. But then again I shall try my bestest to stay positive. What's that thing about the grass being greener on the other side again? Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah hey, I shall keep things in perspective.

Did rather badly for my Psych Quiz One. Expected, yes. But nevertheless, still induces negative feelings in me. 12/20 seems o-kay but it actually means I'm on the verge of losing my A grade. Sigh pie. Am I burning out already!? 

On a brighter note, I did well for my English Quiz One! 18/20! :) And my first essay got me an A too. It was the only A in class, not that it really matters because I'd be happy for others too if they got an A as well. I've never been confident about my writing abilities because admittedly, most of my peers write way better than me, but to see an A on my assignment really encourages me to strive even harder to do well. 

Philosophy paper on Thursday! I'm scared to death cause I haven't even started. I'll do so right after I post this. In the meantime, please forgive my boring entries! I really wanna blog about Melbourne but I can't :( I even need to hide my SIMS 3 cd from myself so that I will stop playing! Hahaha. Btw, my character is Paris Hilton. She's damn pretty but I don't know how to screenshot? Wasted. Next time I'm gonna create my SIM friends in SIMS. Damn funny right? Okay maybe not. Heehee. Bai!~

This too shall pass.

Hello y'all! Greetings from my new sexy baby macbook pro! :) Forgive me, but I have camwhoring photos to post! Couldn't resist. Omg, my first laptop with in-built webcam lehz. So happy, teehee. Now it's so easy to camwhore - either alone or with friends. :D These photos are pretty backdated though. I haven't had time to post them ever since I got my new laptop. Heh. (Y)

Taken on the very first day I got my babygirl. 

Jo, I was wearing the Blonde shirt you gave me! :D 

CNY visiting! Angbao monehs :)

Heehee, my grandpa gave us that $100 bill. His angbao is always the biggest every year.

Made elmo camwhore with me. He was quite happy to do so, as you can tell from his :D face

Was showing my bro the rollercoaster effect and he gamely posed with me!

Idk why I always pretend to be so happy to be on a "rollercoaster" lol 

I felt really down today cause of my math mid-terms. Kinda know that I'd fail. Really disappointed la, cause I studied rather hard for the chapter 3. :'( Worst thing is that I went in feeling pretty confident. Sianz. 60 marks leh. How am I gonna pull up my bloody grade now? Fml.

I asked Peter Kuan if he could mark leniently, and he said no with a happy smile. Lol. Thanks ahhh. Oh wells, like everyone will say, it's already over so no point brooding about it. But you know the frustration when you don't perform up to expectations despite the amount of effort you've put in? That's what gets to me the most. :'(

Urgh can't wait to clear all the papers! Burden only. Then I can go have fun with my jizzyfamily, qp, qixin, and the usuals! :) I can't wait to go clubbing! *does hand gesture* Badly need a breather man.

Oh yeah, I might be dropping one tuition kid, or cutting down to once a week. Still pending. But I'm really reluctant to give up my kiddo although sometimes he really drives me up the wall. He is still rather cute when he tells me about his school and asks me questions about my life at times. Sigh. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

I am an onion. I will make you cry!

I don't know what can make me smile anymore. This week will be hell, but next week will be worse than hell so I dare not imagine. Four tests to prepare for, namely psychology midterm, computer, english and math quiz. Why does time fly by so quickly? :'( I shouldn't even be here blogging, since there's a journal to write. But really, I just need a major break. Please let me be able to go diving because I need a sweet escape! :') *inserted this weird contradictory smiley to show that I do feel better at the thought of diving*

People can be so anal-retentive and humourless sometimes. It irks me to no end, really. Makes me appreciate my friends even more so now, because it's only with the selected few that I can be myself, knowing they wouldn't judge me in spite of all my flaws. Well it's really hard to make friends for me, because I really won't bother trying to impress anyone here. If you don't wanna try getting to know me better, and have already formed your judgment on me then so be it. There's no point changing myself to suit you.(: I don't need friends like that anyway. Me iz coolz like that worz! (Hahahahha no wonder I got no friends la!) 

Kay la, despite it all, I do have Jolynn and annoying YY to keep me company most of the time. So that's good, and that's all I need. :) 

Happier entry soon. This entry makes me wanna puke.

Oh on a random sidenote since this entry has an onion, here's a chatlog of the convo between yy and me today:

Yíyang says:
 Why are you an onion
estella. says:
 because i can make u cry
 HAHAHAHA OMG YAY SOMEONE FINALLY ASKED
Yíyang says:
 Hahahaha
 Wtf
 Is there more to that?
estella. says:
 Haha
 why?
 do u want an essay supporting my thesis statement?
Yíyang says:
 A paragraph would do lol
estella. says:
 An onion is known to have a magical ability of being able to induce tears in others when feeling threatened or hurt itself. Its self protective mechanism has been known to ward off many kinds of evil, and even the vampires are said to be scared of onions due to its amazing ability.

It rains when you're here, and it rains when you're gone.

“There’s so much I wish for these days, but most of all, I wish you were here. It’s strange, but before I met you, I couldn’t remember the last time that I cried. Now, it seems that tears come easily to me… but you have a way of making my sorrows seem worthwhile, of explaining things in a way that lessens my ache. You are a treasure, a gift, and when we’re together again, I intend to hold you until my arms are weak and I can do it no longer. My thoughts of you are sometimes the only things that keep me going.”

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Oh hello people. Estella is down with a bad cold, so she has morphed into:

A SICK SADAKO!

Okay, please don't freak out and I'll promise not to crawl out of your tv tonight.

This week was hell! English, psych and math tests all mashed into the space of four days, like a potato. Thank God I survived. Next week, another math test. Sigh pie. Wish I was brilliant at math. Why am I not? Computer programming test coming up soon too! I need tuition for this one. Hahaha. What binary what hexadecimal nonsense. Complete alien language to me.

Maybe I need a secret getaway, to Maldives perhaps. ;)

swing, swing, swing from the tangles of.

Had to go for briefing, and collect the damn ugly shirts from Sentosa eeew. After that, Marche and shopping with Miss Liow @ vivo! Had the usual rosti, at Marche's. I was so pissed off with this ah kwa guy while waiting for our rosti to be served. Since it's self-collection, Qixin and I found a seat before I went over to wait for our rosti. Then this guy happily sashayed over, and asked the uncle when will his rosti be done. So the uncle was gonna pass me a plate of rosti (for Qi) when the guy butted in, and said "hey that's mine right?" Whuttt? I stared at him, and the uncle told him I came before him so that plate's mine. Then he insisted that he came before me, and kept wanting to take my plate. So I told him, "this plate is mine, cause I came way before." And guess what? That idiot replied, "I also came way before!" Wah, really can slap his face? Hate ungentlemanly guys. But maybe he's not a guy lor. He's such a sissy boy. So, since I didn't wanna kick up a fuss over a stupid plate of rosti, I just gave it to him. The uncle kept trying to tell the sissy boy that it's supposed to be mine, but then I told the uncle it's okay, don't wanna make things difficult for him. So as the uncle passed me the plate of rosti under the glass panel to hand over to sissy boy, I "accidentally" smashed the sausage on the dirty glass panel and gave it to sissy boy, with a smile. ROFL. Revenge is really sweet. I saw his face, and said, "here you go, you can have this." The next plate was ready right after I passed it to him. I took it for Qixin, and bounced away happily! :D Orbi quek, stupid jerks like this need to be taught a lesson or two. Bet he regrets not waiting a few more minutes, instead of arguing with me.

the mad long sausage, and usual rosti! :)

can u imagine how hard i laughed when qx got up,
and her head got trapped in the light shade?!

Shopping, and chilling at Pacific Coffee Company after lunch. Qi helped to order a drink for us. It has marshmallows (!!!) and she specially got whipped cream for me. Yay, loveeee! :) I was happily eating the whipped cream, when an ang moh old man sitting opp. us started chuckling as he watched me eat. I gave him the O.O face, and asked if Qi saw him laughing at me. Why! Very funny meh. Maybe I look like a glutton, that's why. Hahah.

Okay, prepare for sudden flood of photos. We took too many that day. Hohoho.

Summon jitsu! Hahaha!

one-sided "anthony's smile"

so happy together

This is not really an update, but.

I'm growing fatter and fatter lately, and it's not even funny anymore. Doesn't help that all my girlfriends are hot. Really.

I hate my face. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT SO MUCH.

More pictures when I become slimmer. Which will be never. HAHAHA. Kthxbai.

somebody call 911.

went to sentosa w qixin for a temp job interview! :) it's a promoter job at suntec city, dec 11 - 20. we're supposed to promote sentosa packages so they gave us free passes to the attractions that we're gonna promote (desperados, pirates & extreme log ride). haha okay la, it was kinda fun if you're doing it for the first time! i was happy cause it's free. CHEAP THRILL, haha.

headed to ION after shopping at Vivo, for some YAMI YOGHURT! :D

hahaha, qx can't do this! SO FUNNY.

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after that, i went off to meet kellyn @ bugis! the girl treated me to dinner despite being on a tight budget, so sweet of her! :) i was so blur cause i didn't even notice her paying for the bill, and kept urging her to "mai dan". hahaha. after our yummy "woon toon mian" (inside joke!), we headed for more shopping! She bought Body Shop stuff, so i lent her my discount card! heheh, love it when i put my cards to good use! :)) went to Bugis Village to dig for cheapo stuff! we found a shop that sells reasonably priced apparel that is of good quality! I LOVE MY DRESS. teehee. and the harem pants that kellyn bought was gorgeous too. too bad i look like shit in pants cause of my height. :(

after deciding that it was time to stop our crazy shopping, we headed to good ol' Starbucks for a chillout session, and it resulted in many giggles and retarded expressions!

On a totally random sidenote:

ya know, i dont geddit. people hate it when i complain i'm fat, but it's also the same people who say that i am fat. so. damn. annoying.

Mmm, whatcha say?

YAY! i finally received my bday present from jo, my tall sister! :D
i really love snail mail, but even more so, i love the fact that my girlfriend bothered to mail me a present all the way from aussieland. teehee thanks babe! much love :)

i promise i'll wear the bimbotic shirt out one day soon! hahaha.

heheh happygal89@hotmail.com

been having this dreadful shopping urge, but i've never been able to satisfy it cause i'm soo picky about this and that. the price (!!!), the material, the details. urghh, so annoying really. i wish i was really a rich bitch. hahaha. saw this dress at topshop that was to die for. but the price.... oh wells. :( i settled for a cotton on dress in the end. HAHA. cheapo dresses FTW! i love cotton on long time. :D why they don't wanna hire me? half my wardrobe is from cotton on please. -.-

anyways, lingerie shopping, anyone? i wanna go la senza. heh. there's no such thing (my favourite phrase recently) as having too much underwear isn't it! :)

here's the cotton on dress i was talkin about.
hahaha i'm sure many of you have it, or have seen it around.
oh well, that's the bad thing about buying cheapo dresses i guess. :(

heheh sorry i got a spasm attack.

MY LIFE IS SO BORING. :(

Why hasn't my pay come yet? Pissing me off, really. I need the miserable 500 bucks okay! Cause I just bought my rashguard, like FINALLY!!! :D teehee very happy man. it costs 100bucks, and though my daddy offered to sponsor, i rejected it since i was working.

i had this bimbo moment when i collected the rashguard from kang though. i was like EH, this is not the rashguard i wanted! there's no thumb hole! and i was ranting on and on, when i passed it to kang. then he saw the hole at the side of the sleeve. HAHA OMGWTHBBQ, I AM NOT A BIMBO OKAY :(

joel's blog is amusing. and there's this quote that i can't agree more with.
money can't buy happiness, but it sure can buy the things that'd make you happy. :p

okay, i'm off to meet kang nugget for some udders ice cream! heh, ice cream makes me happy. ciao y'all.

Mondays suck.

potato wedges is love

HAHA look like a tranny.

blissful though i kena burn by fireball! D:

Purple painted nails and walls

i love chillin' with my baobei at firestation :)

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One thing I realised is that I effing hate changes. :(

Sigh, I miss you jo!