cry, cry baby

Tis' the season to be greedy!

Christmas eve dinner with the Tai family (:

rumble rumble rumble

The girl pictured above (no, the one on the right) needs to be fed once every few hours. If neglected, whining, intense stomach growling and sudden bouts of anger or moodiness may ensue. To ensure that you do not have to experience such negative side-effects, please keep a packet of chocolates (also pictured above) on stand-by at all times. Thank you. :D

ps: I AM HUNGRY NAO. WHO IS GONNA FEED ME? :O *opens mouth widely and waits for food*

INSPIRED!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=1323644465330


Wow wow wow, if y'all haven't seen this video please watch it. Really gives me hope! Hahaha. Shows that make up really does wonders to a person, huh? :) One day I hope I'll be as pro as these girls omg! That'd definitely give me higher self-esteem. Maybe I won't need plastic surgery afterall! *prances around*

Been busy likka bee. Not quite with studying, but with birthday parties and irrelevant stuff. I. am. so. dead. It's not funny anymore. Anyhoo, vicky's 21st birthday was a blast! There was the bouncing castle and I swear I felt like a kid all over again, jumping around in it. Played with someone's bunny too, heheh. Too cute!

my polkadotted green nails

(drew a heart on my thumb but i forget to include my thumb in this pic) 

random $26 wallet that my mummy bought for me, 

after i spotted it in some kid's store.

IT HAS MY NAME 'ESTELLA'! How rare is that? :D

Haven't slept enough these few days. I feel likka zombie eh eh eh. :( Can't wait for the dreaded exams to end. Math, you are so annoying! You really frustrate me at times. I cannot comprehend you and the strange symbols you have. Urgh, you are sucha girl. Psychology, please please let me remember you and hopefully my motivation for getting an A can be intrinsic though I highly doubt it. I'm currently using the aussie trip to bribe/motivate myself, hurhur. Computer science, you are one hell of a mystery I never understood. But I'll deal with you last. :) 

Okay I'm so incoherent. It's time for rubber ducky and sleep before I wake to study overnight at Macs with Orochimaru!

my very screwed up body clock

Been having so many mad late nights these days. Previous night saw me sleeping at 4 and waking at 7 to finish my english essay. It was a persuasive essay on why we shouldn't eat shark's fin soup yet I felt it was one of my most incoherent essays. :( Floated around in school with yinglin, the other zombie! It's funny how we found that we have many things in common today! So we two were half-dead, but each time we napped a little, we would have little outbursts of deliriousness. It was quite scary and funny at the same time. The guys were pretty freaked out by us, hahaha. Came home and k.o-ed all the way till 11pm afterwhich I jumped outta bed to look for food! My kind mummy made me dinner :) So sweet of her. Now it's 3am. I haven't studied. Am I dead or what? Think I'll head to bed now, hahaha. Sigh pie.

says the hair and the brain.

Do you know what it's like to have a memory so bad you can't even remember your password unless you write it down on paper immediately, and even so, there's a high chance that whatever you wrote is WRONG because you remembered wrongly? I do, and it really feels like... wait, what was it that I was trying to say just now?

Arh, it's bugging me! Goldfish probably have even better memory than me. Maybe there's an ant living in my head and feasting on my brain day by day. Which explains the memory loss, and stupidity! :( Hates you smelly/naughty/greedy ant-that-is-feasting-on-my-brain!

Now my brain is sleepy, cause it doesn't wanna think about itself being stupid for any longer. It depresses me, honestly.

Oh and my hair has an attitude of its own. I simply cannot control it! One day it'll decide to be wavy, and the other day it is DEADPAN STRAIGHT. Bah, I've given up styling it and now it's left to play games with itself. :) Can't be bothered to comb it anymore! Lol. It can do whatever it likes and I'll live with it.

Don't ask me what's the point of this entry; there's hardly any.

ps: my mental condition is more serious than i thought! i realised that i personified my hair and brain. gee!

I am a twit worzxzxxx!!!

OMG. I have shitloads of things I wanna get and do, with the next paycheck of mine!
Gonna write down a nice long list, but only because I love making lists and seeing order in my otherwise disorganised life. (:

Muahaha, I am a bouncing bean. Down, and then up again. Happy happy happy.
Even though I still have a splitting headache, puked out my wonderful dinner just now ( pizza and spicy chicken wings :( arh! ), and my lips are so super cracking dry.

My bro's gone to Zouk to see how partayyyyy life is like for himself. As the slightly older one, I had this inner urge to protect my "lil" bro who's not so little anymore, and say "YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL LATER KENA DRUGGED OR DRUNK!". But that would sound too much like my daddy, so I didn't. Hahaha. I'm glad he's having fun though I kinda miss his nonsense. Bah, am I getting too emotional here? It's just a night out to Zouk man, for heaven's sake Estella!

Gee, I will so not look forward to next year when he enlists into Commandoes, seriously. :(

Christmas is nearing! I can feel it in my toes! :D So excited man. Gonna celebrate Christmas with simplicity this year - no crazy senseless gift-buying for just about anyone and everyone, no mashing with the crowd on Christmas eve itself to countdown, no extravagant dinners. I'll be contented with just spending Christmas with the ones that matter most - a simple homecooked dinner with my family and closer relatives, and gifts for the few who really matter.

I suspect I'm pmsing. Got a sudden craving for Collon biscuits and milk chocolates with nuts.

Zomg. I think my head is screwy. It hurts so bad it feels like some fat guy is living inside, and growing by the second, threatening to implode in my head.

This entry is so pointless. I'm just waiting for my hair to dry. Hahaha.


*Edit*
Wow, I just read all the shizzz I typed and it's so random and incoherent. HAHAHA. Ok, bye!

now you know the way i feel.

Seems like naivety makes up 30% of me, while water takes up the other 70%.

The human body cannot function properly without water, and yet here I am wasting it away, over stupid and naive thoughts.

Yesterday- it was o-kay at first, just sitting at home, playing pretend with myself, and watching the words I wanted to say play hide-and-seek. It was okay, and I was okay. Then came midnight, and I thought, 'This is it, Sadness forgot to visit me afterall. It's time I stopped waiting up for him and catch some sleep.'

So sleep I did.

Then morning came, but the sunshine never did. I saw Sadness sleeping by my side, and so I asked him, "Hey, what took you so long?" It was dark and gloomy, and worse, chilling even. But he didn't say a thing; just shrugged, before turning away to sleep again.

---

Don't wanna make it awkward for everyone, but I don't wanna pretend either.

Well it doesn't take a scientist to decipher what is it that's bugging me because really, I'm sick and tired of being cryptic - or at least, trying to be. I just want to be able to say what I mean and mean what I say, is that so wrong? But please please, don't mention that name right now because it'll set me off; really it will. Won't you all just play along and pretend this is nothing until I'm ready to talk about it? I've got much to say but not now, and not here definitely.

PS: If I'm not able to blog any happier entries (I feel obligated to somehow), I might have to run away just for awhile. Sorry for taking the cowardly way out again, but I think a hiatus will do me good. :)

don't you know her heart by now?


真的痛了

Pep Talk.

Because I am Plankton, it's okay that I have to sacrifice myself for the bigger fish out there.
Because I am Plankton, my feelings are as small and insignificant as my physical self, and are thus negligible.
Because I am Plankton, I will always be at the bottom of the food chain.

But I will survive. And thrive.





ps: Did you realise that Monday is associated with more colours than any other day? Think Monday blues & Black Monday.

pps: I hope to seek my friends' understanding on days when I'm crankier, or moodier, or more withdrawn than usual. First things first, rest assured that it's not you, it's me. Lol, overused as it is, I mean it. I'm sorry if I snap or flare up suddenly this month, due to my volatile and emotional nature. Sometimes I wish I had better control over my emotions/ taken anger management classes/ learned how to manage stress.There's just so much shit I can take from work, and I really don't wanna talk about it.

ppps: Honestly, I fear I'm going crazy. I actually really did talk to myself in the shoes of Plankton. Please don't freak out now that you know. We're still friends right?! :(

I'm not gonna move.

disclaimer: you've been warned.

upon reaching Night Safari, qp and i walked around looking at all the amazing animals. i think i was very lucky because i managed to see/spot most of the animals! :D dear animals, i know y'all are secretly in love with me! hee hee.

oh my tian. the otters totally made me melt, with their whiny pitiful cries and that super innocent (read: act-cute) look! it was fascinating to watch the fishing cat as it watched the fishes that were happily swimming in the water, waiting patiently for a chance to pounce. we concluded that the fishing cat was probably just pretending to be interested in the fish, because it not so secretly loves the attention and limelight. hahahah. the tiger that paced up and down the enclosure was absolutely majestic and beautiful, but he didn't even want to take a second glance at me when i waved to him very enthusiastically, as though he was wang lee hom. the lions were, as usual, regal-looking - until one of them decided that airing his b*lls was a good idea, when we were just marveling at how majestic they looked. tsk, bad lion. and oh, i finally found out that a lion doesn't just go "ROOOOOARRRRR", but makes several hiccuping sounds after the roar because i had a live tram commentary by my side. that, and i was lucky enough to hear a lion's roar too. :)

anyway, in spite of all the happiness that seeing all these animals brought me, one thing really irked me that night. and that was the use of flash photography on the animals. some people are terrible, i must say. :( the thing is, there's no doubt that these people are PERFECTLY CAPABLE of reading english and comprehending it, but somehow these well-placed signboards that state in concise terms that "no flash photography is allowed" go ignored simply because of the selfishness of man.

---

here's one of the conversations i heard:
"Omg! So cute leh the otters! OH LOOK AT THEM! OMG I NEED TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THEM!"

*fumbles with camera*

"aiya, too dark leh. cannot see."
"don't care lah. use flash!"

(FLASH!!!)

*otters get stunned for a moment, while qp and i glare angrily at the inconsiderate "animal lovers".*

us: " WAH. the people here don't know how to read signboards ah! i thought it says, NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY RIGHT?!"

---

it gets me all riled up, because these animals have far more sensitive eyes than us human beings, so imagine what it's like for them if us humans already can't take the strong light from a camera's flash. If you really love animals, you would spare a thought for them. If you don't, then cut the pretense and stop acting like you do. Totally disgusting. go burn in hell, stupid selfish people. i hope your armpits fester and your camera's flash dies cause the smell of your festering armpit is too much for it to take. (no, i'm not being serious)

ANYWAY... moving on, we mustered enough courage to enter the bridge of hell, where qingpei bumped into the love of her life, and decided to elope with him. :(

By the way, evil "flashers", poachers, and animal-abusers, this is where you'll go! :)

her boyfriend. HAHAHA.
nice long tongue huh? :P

i borrowed him for a while. hee.


okay, this mummy was scary because he popped out from the trees, and gave me a shock!
but still, we were brave enough to ask him for a photo. :)


she was stabbing her doll!
(but i had bongo burgers, so no fear)

char siew bun, anyone? ;)

eye eats little chilllldreeen!
*muahahahha*

"help! don't eat me!" :O
"eat bongo burgers better!!!"

my pretty baby is a creature of the night too. :))

qp's friend aka our tram commentator is shrek's girlfriend, fiona!

the zebra chairs are so cute! :D

and finally....

the love of my life found the love of her life.

and i secretly lust after him, but lust is just lust.
;)

ps: i wrote this entry feeling kinda sian (cause i'm very tired), so i'm sorry if i didn't quite mention the details that you'd want to know. still, anything you wanna know, feel free to ask me!

pps: i love my hairybaby! BIG BIG TIME.

Monday Blues?

I must admit, that I still yearn for it.
Even today as I browse through photos, there is a sense of nostalgia, loss, and perhaps a twinge of disappointment and reproach (towards myself).

Perhaps I could have tried harder? Pushed for more? Perhaps if I could just believe... and not given it all up?

But it's better this way isn't it?
Rather than drag everyone down with my incapabilities and insecurities, leaving was the better of two evils.
I'm still proud of the memories, learning points, and experiences shared, but sometimes, I guess what I really wanted was to know that I was just as important as the rest.

Because it sure stinks to be a backup plan, a spare tyre, or a second thought.

Oh, but hey, my first day at work was rather pleasant. Let's hope it stays this way. :)

Purely Unglam.

THANKS GENNYBEE FOR SENDING ME
THE UNGLAM AND RETARDED PHOTOS OF US! :)

"well baby i surrender to the strawberry ice cream, never ever end of all this love."

only chai can carry off this kinda stunt and still look beautiful, i think.

genn's yummy fish and chips! :D

Feel like being random and incoherent, so here goes:

• Still in my thoughtful mood. Bah. It's killing me! My brain cells are working on overdrive and they seem to enjoy doing a full marathon in my head. :(
• Qixin lent me 'The Time Traveler's Wife', and I seriously hope I'll get down to reading it. Bedtime stories, me like! :D
• The National Geo is my second favourite channel after Animal Planet. It's so fascinating to watch how fishermen brave the gigantic waves and weather for a living.
• There's this programme on Cleopatra too; and they were trying to find out which was the snake that Cleopatra used to commit suicide. So cool. I wish I could travel to exotic places and uncover mysteries too. HAHAHA. Dora the explorer, move along! cheers to Estella the explorer!
• I saw this monster of an anaconda on Animal Planet earlier in the afternoon too. IT'S CRAZY HUGE. 5 metres long! It can definitely swallow a human! It took about six men to carry it! :O The people are so brave. There's this lady too, who's in charge of tracking the snakes. Admire her bravery man. I think if I ever encounter an anaconda, I'll freak out and just pretend to be a tree. :(
• Tea Party with Liowch was fun fun fun. Spongebob Monopoly! :D But then it made me very tired after that. Lol.
  
• I saw many many wild mushrooms at Sixth Ave! I WANT TO EAT MUSHROOMS. *tummy rumbles in agreement*
  
• Talked to my HELEN on the phone! :) It's amazing how we seem to have an endless amount of things to talk about! We're always grumbling about this and that, but I love our nonsense! Hahaha.
• "Crawling back to you"!
  
• My body is aching after playing badminton with my parents. It's falling apart! I am getting old.
• I must control my spending! Think Thrifty! :D
• Cable-skiing with the Monster Meeehoon soon I hope! AND VBALL! (after my muscles recover!!!)
• Torn between what I want and what I need. Choices choices, decisions to make. It's all part of growing up I guess.
  
• I'm thankful for my life and the people I have in it, because compared to the other people who have much greater problems than mine, I'm already very lucky and blessed for my problems are minute compared to theirs. Everything falls in place when you put things into perspective. :D
  

Maybe I'm wrong.

Been sneezing away for the whole day now. Terrible terrible red nose :(
Must be due to my sleep debt. Sigh.

My lovely mummy sponsored me a pretty red bag as an early birthday present, when I called her asking if I could get it (with my own money) cause it costs $45, which I consider expensive for a bag since I can get one for about $25. I don't normally like buying expensive bags and wallets for myself cause my mother has inculcated her "auntie" values in me since young, and she doesn't like it when I disobey these values of hers.

But since my bag's strap has already snapped, and my old bag is a in pretty bad condition as it's slowly disintegrating, I figured it was a worthwhile investment to make. Furthermore, it came with a pouch (which I used for my ipod), and a free orange umbrella! So before I made a decision, I braved a phonecall to my mummy, telling the salesperson that I was afraid my mum would scold me. Lol. And I was so surprised that she was okay with it! OMG, not only that, she even agreed to buy it for me. How nice right?! :) I think no one will understand how I feel because no one knows the extent of my mother's thriftiness. But I'm contented anyway. :)

---
Because...
“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
Sometimes I'm amazed. At how you'll get me again and again, and how I tell myself never to go back there ever again- yet I do. Somehow, in the end I guess it always comes back to you.
Sometimes I'm angry with myself. For being soft-hearted. For caring even when I know fully well you don't deserve it. For reserving that space for you inside, even though I know that such a hope will only get me down.
Sometimes I'm scared. I'm scared because I'm vulnerable. But what gets to me more is when you show that you're vulnerable too. Because then I cannot be as strong as I want to.

please be strong, so i can pretend i am too.

when i look at you, i see him staring through

Call me Blunt. James Blunt.

I wanted to blog this angsty entry about never-ending projects and irritating people but I have decided that I will not allow myself to be upset by such meaninglessness. :) Three cheers to that! I feel better now, because.

Thinking things through (omg, alliteration to its max!), I've come to realise how transient and temporal earthly relationships are. And I think it's grounded me so much more, in a way. However, I will not allow myself to give up hope on people in general. Simply because a naive and foolish part of me still wants to believe that deep inside, people are still essentially good. Being let down and disappointed is only a (small) part and parcel of life, and I think I've learned alot from this lesson. I wouldn't go so far as to say I've matured, but I'd like to think that I'm not as childish and petty as before. Some people really do know how to hit where it hurts, but I will hold my head high in spite of the name-calling and insults hurled in my way. :) Putting others down is a clear sign of immaturity- take that!

Sometimes, I think that being too readable is nooooooooo good at all. Hahaha. I'm like an open book, with my facial expressions often betraying me to reveal signs of displeasure when I'm upset. Nevermind. That's why I'm learning PR now, no? :/

Konichiwa! Let's all do a PR smile!

*gagsandfaints*

That's easier said; easier than done.

there's no love for me no more.

i've been checking out jason mraz's songs recently. and i daresay that he's one talented songwriter/singer. he sure has some interesting lyrics, with one of my favourites being too much food. HAHA he can even write a song about food! i'm impressed. he's definitely won me over with this one. :D

my tall sister and i went for a pedicure at good earth nail spa! whoo happiness. i asked our pedicurist yanti for a bimbotic shade of pink, because people always tell me that the blondes have all the fun! :P i shall post up pictures when i'm in a less lazy state. :/

enjoyed myself during dance today! shirley was being bullied by me again. hahahahah. :O i totally had another blonde moment in class okay. last week it was forgetting to bring my top. this week, the instructor asked us to recall a term called "right over soutenu".

so he asked, "what's this called?" (and at the same time, he put his right foot over his left to demonstrate)
someone shouted "right over...."
and i happily added in "left".

FAINTED. HAHAHAHA i thought i was correct!
but no! it's right over soutenu! darn. why do they have to make things so complicated? :(

it must be the pink nails.


HAHA.

anyways, we learnt additional steps to leona lewis' take a bow. it's a pretty nice song, and so y'all should take a listen while i take a bow.

So take a bow, cause you've taken everything else

--

We all have a fair share of growing up to do.
Till then, my love.