What are words if you don't really mean them

Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most 


Oh gosh, I'm sure y'all have heard about Chris Medina and his heartbreaking story about his girlfriend, who is suffering from brain injury due to a car accident, by now. He wrote this song "What Are Words" for her, and when I first heard it, it gave me goosebumps all over. It's such a pity that he didn't get into the Top 24 of American Idol. Please do give this a listen. It's so touching, yet heartbreaking.

But in a way, it gives me hope. Hope to think and believe that there are still good guys out there in the world; guys who won't turn their backs on their girl, despite whatever circumstances. This is one good man. His beautiful voice just haunts me.

Don't leave me out here dancing alone

Photobooth-whoring before zouk on sat:

AHAHAHA just ignore my face please.

i wanted to post an outfit picture..... but. :(

ugly is the new sexy, or so i say!

It was Gerald's 21st birthday! :) I wore the exact same top that I wore to Esther's 21st. Hahaha, see I really need clothes right? If not soon I can wear this top to everyone's 21st already (Y)


Went with my sexy girlies qp, esther and via. The moment we stepped into the club, I was given apple sourz! Me likey very much. Heehee. It's green and sour. Nais! Drank quite abit of that before I realised there was even better alcohol lying around that were feeling lonely and needed my company. Hahaha. Qp and I tried champagne for the first time! :) It's damn nice cause it has a fizzy taste. Heh now I know why the rich people like it. I bet they all secretly like China Apple too, rofl. Had Martell and Macallan also. Wow wow, Gerald damn generous ah. but I've yet to get him anything :O QP! What should we buy? I feel bad now :(


Danced the night away with the girls! Guess I gotta admit that it was nice to be high and happy for that short period of time. qp lost her ez & atm card so she had to leave to find it. Thankfully she found it back or else sure damn sian max one! But I don't really like saturdays, for that matter. Mambo nights are still the best. There's too many army boys on saturday. I'd rather just look stupid and do kuku hand gestures than get grinded by guys :( Kept thinking of the Tai boy cause I don't wanna betray his trust. I'm thankful that we trust each other enough to go clubbing without the other's presence, but still I guess it's quite hard to do so really. Anw, sidetracking a little, anthony was damn funny! He saw J in the club the night before and he told me, "I saw Serene's bf in the club and he said she's in Melb! ORHOR! He got ask permission not?" Hahaha, what the hell, the way he said "ask permission" was damn funny! Like some primary school kid :p


Had breakfast with my little qp and we talked about so many random things! She is damn weird. I've never seen someone eat the muffin so happily in my life. I usually just throw it away. Hahaha. What a weird friend I have. :D But I love her very much, how?


I'm now sick of clubbing already. Haha, so fast right?

You seem like the type to love 'em and leave 'em 
And disappear right after this song 

Officially Missing You

All I hear is raindrops falling on the rooftop
Oh baby, tell me why’d you have to go
‘Cause this pain I feel it won’t go away
And today I’m officially missin’ you

I thought that from this heartache, I could escape
But I’ve had it long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today I’m officially missing you

Lose my moneh, hunney.

I've been wanting to redecorate my room, but I'm (not-so) secretly afraid of changes somehow. I don't know if I should just go ahead with my plans, or wait till next year. Sigh.

Sometimes, I really envy people who can deal with change without batting an eyelid. How do you do that? I wish I could too.

I know I tend to get so insecure

It doesn't matter anymore

I make them good girls go bad.

Cobra Starship |MTV Music

I was hanging in the corner
With my five best friends
I thought that you were trouble
But I couldn't resist

Never say never.

Shush girl, shut your lips.
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.

Hahaha, this song ("Don't trust me") is so fun to sing along to. It makes me laugh everytime. NAIS! :D

I got nothing much to write about these days. Oh, except for the fact that I toppled my daddy's precious jar containing glass stones. Almost fainted when I realised how much shit I was capable of getting myself into. Thank God my bro was around to help me clear the debris.

Had to confess to my dad in the morn. :( He tsk-tsked me, but didn't seem as angry as the time I broke the door knob. I said sorry many many times, and felt so guilty please. :(( Cause he didn't scold me at all. He just asked, "why so careless?" SIGH. I think it's just his luck to have such a clumsy daughter like me. Next time, I will child-proof my house, even if there isn't a child, because I am worse than a child!

Okay, I hereby promise that, if I ever have children, I will try my best to curb whatever anger there is, and refrain from scolding them (even when they break my favourite plates). Because I know how it feels to be that kid. I really am thankful that my daddy wasn't pissed with me, and forgave me even before I opened my mouth to apologise. I guess he saw the big picture, that I see too now - that it is not worth getting upset with a loved one over material objects, because you can put a price tag to objects but not to relationships. :)

Permanent.

you loved it so much in the city
you know i could not stand it there
you liked to get lost in the people
and pretend that they really care
well you know you're such a bad imposter
hiding your wings beneath your coat
cause i watched your footprints making patterns
away from me into the snow

now i don't believe in nothing anymore
cause love is permanent not temporary
and it's driven straight into our chests, then buried
much too deep to just pull out like weeds in a garden
it's permanent, im sorry

so lately i've been going crazy
trying to get you off my mind
cause thoughts of you hang just like pictures
and gather dust over the time
well we hung them up just like real lovers
and drove our nails into the wall
cause we thought they'd be there forever
but we weren't permanent at all..

and it's getting much too hard to see you now

So the story goes.

So happy because I finally have a job that's flexible enough for me to teach tuition. What more can I ask for, seriously? 3 day work week! OMG. Huge blessing aight! :) But I'm too paiseh to ask how much I'm being paid, so stop asking me! D: Me iz loser, thanks.

Promise to update with pictures soony! :) I hope I won't MIA because honestly... I am feeling burnt out. Like, I just need a break. Should stop rushing about to meet people, and stop being busy. Haha. Super tempted to be AS again.

ANW, BIG THANKS TO HRM. :D
Promise to treat you before you go ns (and if I do get paid for this, hahaha).

Got this song that I can't stop listening to! But it makes me feel kinda sad. :(

oh and just when I believe you’ve changed for good
well you go and prove me wrong
just like I knew you would

when I run out of second chances
you give me that look
and you’re off the hook

because you’re mine forever and almost always
and I’m fine just love me when you can
and I’ll wait patiently
I’ll wake up every day just hoping that you still care

-Forever and almost always; Kate Voegele

Heartless.

Kris Allen's version of Heartless brings soul and meaning to the lyrics. Way better than the original, I think. :)

I know you can't believe
I could just leave it wrong
And you can't make it right
I'm gon' take off tonight
Into the night

*edit: starting work tmr! pray hard that the people at work are nice. still got internship trauma! :(

Unappreciated.

I miss the way Kinder runs about! Her damn cute swagger.
OMG... Withdrawal symptoms!!! :(

"What am I to do when my heart says leave,
But my feet won't move"

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S.

Oops, this entry should have been posted way back but I never got round to doing so. Sorry Anna papaya! Thanks for the awesom songs, as usual! :) Teehee.

We had our little outing at Vivo's, where I dragged Anna to shop with me (but she ended up buying a dress and I went home empty-handed). Hahah, fainted. Okay, really really gonna be late for tuition so imma just post these pictures and go off like NAO! D:

The shizzy?

Gloria Jeans coffee is cheaper than Coffee Bean's!


A for Anna Thai Banana! :D





OMG! It looks as though I have some sorta nosebridge in this photo!?

I'm talking Champagne wishes, caviar dreams
You deserve nothing but all the finer things 
Now this whole world has no clue what to do with us 

PS: STILL no letter from the Unis. I bet they are secretly biased against poly students! Hmpf.

Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair.

When I look at gorgeous (insert gay tone here) people, I always feel so.... inferior. :( But still I enjoy looking at them hawt babes/dudes, because it's candy for my eye. Teehee. It just makes me a little sad, just a little.

Need to cut my fringe soon, because it looks like nothing at all! Haha. Tempted to cut the fringe myself, but do I really need to look uglier than I already am. -.- Le sigh. Today's self esteem is at level -10,000. I need to level up! Hahaha. Maybe should go for plastic surgery when I'm rich siol.

Wah seriously, just read something online, and I got the shock of my life. Sucks, I really hate the fact that I'm even reacting to it. Stupid, stupid me.

Got many things to do! Got very little time! I want to do more with my life man. Fo real.

Blah, I feel that my whole life is super messed up right now, and all that I'm doing is sitting by watching everything passively. Urgh, hate this feeling. I need some organisation! I need to make lists, and check myself regularly! :(

Okay, for starters, anyone willing to exercise with me? Warning: I AM TERRIBLY UNFIT. Walking out of my house is enough to make me tired, just so you get a rough idea. Hahaha. Swimming is always welcomed, gymming is not too bad, running is okay only if you wanna jog at a slow pace for five minutes (after which I will complain of mysterious pains, and pretend to drop dead on the floor), tennis is fine if you don't mind a noob like me... but shopping is DEFINITELY ONZZ for me! :D

REALLY RANDOM PHOTOS!

the view from my house!
taken after playing tennis with mehoo. :D

the sunset was gorgeous, but my camera just couldn't capture it! :(

i'm totally in love with the polka-dotted top that jo & i got together! :)

& featuring the hairband that will never get worn out. haha.

"I always say how I don't need you.
But it's always gonna come right back to this .
Please, don't leave me."

You make breaking hearts look so easy.

Look ma, moustache!

yay everyone looks cool here! :)

Here's my desperate attempt to uhhhh, break my blogging drought! But it's not working, really. Le sigh. I only bothered to steal these few photos off Facebook, cause there're just too many. Haha. It's funny how FB is so convenient that I don't even bother sending zipped albums of photos to people anymore, because they can simply get it from FB. :/

Anw, this was from Sentosa's outing. It rained damn heavily the moment we were in the tram waiting area, but admittedly, I've NEVER had so much fun before! It's crazy how hyper they all were. Lol. We played vball (made my hands v bruised!!), frisbee, some lame dog-and-bone game, swam to the other side of Tanjong beach, and laughed like mad all the time. Hahahaha. I love going out with the divers man. They make me laugh 24/7, no joke! :) Super onzzz people, I like! All the crazy jokes, insults and jizzing we do. Hilarious to the max can. But I think I'm getting old, because one day out with them really burns me out. And I feel ultra tired after that! :( 20 is such an OLD age. Can I be forever 19???

Btw, it seems like my body has developed some hyper metabolism. I need to be fed at least once every two hours. :O It's worse when night falls cause I start craving for all sorts of impossible things, like meatball porridge, and cheese prata. OMG AS I TYPE THIS, I'M GETTING HUNGER PANGS AGAIN. I need to stop eating late at night! :( Cus all the things I eat are damn sinful, like cup noodles and NASI LEMAK. Zomg. :(

There's quite a lot of things on my wants list these days. I don't know how I'm gonna earn the moolah to get these wants, but I'll try. Haha. Need to find another job! Who got lobang please jio okays? Thank you and have a nice day. :p

Btw, I have a good song sent to me by my personal Limewire, ANNA THAI BANANAS. It's called Breaking, by Anberlin. :) Do check it out manz. It's awesome much.

---

Do you memorize theatrical lines
That seem to lead them in
Play the role with the good girl heart
Oh the tangled web within
Who was it that led you on
That made you want to hurt me so
Who do you want to forget
Who's forgot you long ago

Please come now I think I'm falling.

For the 100035873892th time, I don't know what to say anymore. Nor what to expect or do.
The only thing I know is that I'm just this close to letting myself down again.

For the 493538795380117428th time, my instinct tells me to run away from everything and build up that wall again. I need some time off to sort out my thoughts and feelings, but I'll only take awhile this time, promise.

---

Oh, and btw, Creed's 'One Last Breath' is amazing. Qixin's introduction; but it's an old song. Nonetheless, awesome song choice, I'd say.


Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

if i never see your face again.

Whoppeeee! :) Had a little meetup with qi the food monster in town, and it was so good to see her! :) we caught the chick flick "he's just not that into you" because i was afraid that i'd cry when watching "marley and me".

as much as i love brainless fluffy stuff, i realised i was just not that into the movie afterall. gee, it was way too draggy than it should be, and i was squirming in my seat at the 1.5 hr mark because i just wanted the show to end already. hahahaha. i even told qixin that "i'm so bored" after checking my watch countless times, playing with the light and observing other people's hair. Lol ;/ Okay, maybe I have a short attention span, but seriously the whole thing is just average? Predictable storyline but I didn't expect much from a chick flick like this. Just thought that with the cast, it should have been better played out? Urgh. But oh well, the company mattered more than the actual content of the movie I suppose! :p

We went to the Apple shop for fun, and there was this CRAZY INSECT that made its way for us. Omg, seriously I freaked out so badly that I had to bite qixin many times (with her jacket on) to calm down! :( Hahahah sorry babe, but I love juicy chicken wings like yours!

Went to Taka to get honey for my mom, but she ended coming down to meet us instead. We bought 3 bottles of honey for $50 and I was very happy because we had a $50 Taka voucher! HAHA YAY FREE! :D Oh yes, and my mom sponsored us sausages from the basement! :)) I LOVE THEM! MY FAVOURITE SAUSAGES. Had black pepper and cheese as usual! Anw my mom was damn bad cause she bullied qixin into holding the third bottle of honey for her! HAHAHAHA. okay la, i suggested it but my mom approved of my idea! :p Qi, thanks for the extra pair of hands ah. Haha you have good hands you know.

Very happy cause my mom sponsored my facial products which amounted to $100! :O At least got discount. Hee. I promise to treat my mom to dinner once I save up to my 1K mark this holidays! Bet it'll take a million years though.

WE FORGOT TO TAKE PICTURES AGAIN THOUGH. :( when will this ever end?!

'Cause you keep me coming back for more
And I feel a little better than I did before
And if I never see your face again
I don't mind
'Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight

No he can't read my poker face.

My emotions are at conflict right now and I can't sleep unless I empty my head. Half of me is upset, but the other half knows that this is for the better and I shouldn't let emotions get the better of me. I just wonder sometimes... could it be that I never really knew you? :( Or is this just a show for the whole world to see, so I'll be fool if I were to believe?

My favourite song currently :) Best song I ever had, in a long while. Haha.

Best I Ever Had

Now I know I messed up bad
You were the best I ever had
I let you down in the worst way
It hurts me every single day
I'm dying to let you know

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend

So many things I would take back
You were the best I ever had
I don't blame you for hating me
I didn't mean to make you leave

You and I were living like a love song
I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone
Now I know you're the only one that I want
I want you back, I want you

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
All I want to do is make it up to you
Cause when it all comes down to the end
You were the best I ever had

We fell in love for a reason
Now you're leaving
And I just want you back
So many things we believed in
Now you're leaving and words won't bring you back
I'll never let go of the heart I broke

You and I were living like a love song
Now I know you're the only one that I want
I want you back, I want you

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
All I want to do is make it up to you
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
All I want to do is make it up to you
Cause when it all comes down to the end
You were the best I ever had

I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams
I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me
I feel so bad, I feel so bad
You were the best I ever had
I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams
I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me
I feel so bad, I feel so bad
You were,
You were the best I ever had

happy NIU year! :)

I don't get much from heroes; I don't give them much thought
I crumble under pressure, made of steel I’m not
I don't like my reflection; I don't like what I see
I’m scared of my own shadow, it casts its doubt on me

But am I still the one?

I was standing in your shadow just to understand your pain
But when I needed you the most you looked the other way
I wanted you to comfort me the moment we begun
I loved you through your nothingness; am I still the one?

You’re coming through the windows, you’re crawling through the floor
You sent the spies to find me, now they’re kicking down my door

But am I still the one?

I was standing in your shadow just to understand your pain
But when I needed you the most you looked the other way
There’s nothing left but emptiness it’s all been said and done
I know you want me to believe that I’m still the one

So long to the angels
You got me on the run

Tell me that you’ll never leave me again

Aww beautiful lyrics, especially the chorus - it gets me each time I listen to this song. It's called 'Am I Still the One" by Daniel Powter, by the way. :)

Got many new songs on my playlist! Maybe I'll post them here sometime.

Anyway, my family and I went to watch the movie Love Matters by Jack Neo. Urghhh. It was a complete waste of my time! Full of poor jokes and sexual innuendos, a predicatably boring storyline, there was really nothing much that I liked about the whole movie. Maybe my expectations of Jack Neo was too high, based on his older movies, and the hilarious teaser for this movie. :( The only saving grace was the occasional funny bit from Henry Thia, and Mark Lee. But still, don't watch it unless you need help trying to sleep.

Nyeh, it's CNY and I'm at home! :( But still Happy Chinese New Year y'all! Hope you all had lots of fun collecting angbaos and pigging out on junk food. Haha.

shut up and let me go.

Been reminiscing quite abit these days. On the good and bad times I had with my friends, of all the crazy things I did before, of laughter and salty tears, of the bridges I've burned, of the lessons learned.

And I realise that at any point in my life, it was the company I had that made those memories worth cherishing, remembering and holding onto. Without a doubt too, the years in BP are the best years of my life so far. There, I made many friends, but more importantly, I found friendships that lasted beyond the secondary school years. And these friendships are the ones that I hold on to the tightest, because the thought of losing any more friends scares me. That said, it's another miracle that I found another set of girlfriends in poly where I thought I should have been better off as a loner. :)

So thank you girls for all the loveeeeeeeeeeee! :))

I miss those times, you know.

And somehow, the older I grow, the more jaded I feel. I don't wanna be like the rest of the world; don't wanna be part of the i-go-to-work-to-earn-money-but-hate-my-job gang; don't wanna be one of those who nudge and squeeze and elbow people just to get a nice juicy spot on the mrt during peak hours; don't wanna sit around in an office without anything but lunch to look forward to. And lastly, I don't wanna become someone that I would dislike.

I really want to find something I'm passionate about (almost found my dream job but forget it already), something that doesn't make me count down the hours left to the end of my misery. Sigh if this goes on, I'll probably settle for a job in some dingy office with lowly pay and a never-get-promoted position; like maybe a receptionist.

Okay I'm done ranting! I am such a bore these days you know. :(

Anyway, some things to be happy about:
1. Qixin will be doing up a happy new blogskin for me! :) SOO HAPPY. I'm sorry I still can't master the whole blogskin thingy because my mind blanks out once Photoshop loads. Thanks for helping me out every time! *big fat creative hug* Have I ever told you that I love creative people!? Hahaha. :D
2. This entry has one more than photo! Amazing, considering how lazy I am to even visit this blog already. (note to self: must start learning how to zhng my blog because i am superficial and pretty stuff will motivate me)
3. CNY IS COMING AND I HAVE PINEAPPLE TARTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) I helped to make them, so whoever wants some can grab them if you are brave enough to risk getting diarrhoea :P
4. HE is my idol; the one who inspired and influenced me enough to want a change in my blogskin! :) Absolutely love his illustrations, and style.
5. Getting my haircut tmr! Hope I will resist the urge to do stupid things to my hair! Like chopping it all off or dying it and then shaving botak! :(

this is me, at a happier time of my life as an intern.
charmaine seems to think this photo is HILARIOUS,
just because this is a candid shot of me singing to myself.

because it's cool to lie (down) at work?

interns hard at work.

my favourite photo;
but only because charmaine looks like a cute puppet!

---

Shut up and let me go.
This hurts, I tell you so.
For the last time you will kiss my lips,
Now shut up and let me go.
Your jeans were once so clean,
I bet you changed your wardrobe since we met.

Now, oh so easily you're over me
Gone is love
It's you that ought to be holding me
I'm not containable
This love now
It's not sustainable

tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.

Okie, so here it is - my super long overdue post with photos of Tea Cosy, which is a supremely nice place to chill. :) i adore the antiques and the way everything's put together in a mix-and-match kinda way. super cool! plus, the tables and chairs we're using are actually for sale!

posing with the antique lamp that spells prettiness. :D

this is such a nicely framed shot of wenxiang please, hahaha.
self praise is international disgrace right. :/

i have to say, the mushroom soup was delicious!
didn't expect to taste such good soup at a small hangout like this.

the lady boss was using an electronic pepper grinder,
& she said that it doesn't really fit the shop's image but her hand will break if she uses the manual kind.
lol! o.o

our main courses: grilled chicken chop with pasta (mine), seafood pasta (xiang's)

it was so good that not even a morsel of food was left! :)

dessert was brownie with ice cream!

i love the bite-size brownies and nuts and... okay everything actually!

the pretty interior.

this is my favourite wall. hahaha. and NOT because it's pink okay. ummm. :/

xiang's favourite bench!

teehee, i'd definitely go back to this place. :D the lady boss is really friendly and her service is awesome. she even let us be mad, and take photos everywhere in her restaurant. if anyone's interested, we can go together!

okay so tmr i'll have to go back to work. sob sob. dare not imagine the amount of clippings waiting for us in the office please. :( and my flu's not going away! silly nose is leaking like a tap and it's annoying. RAH.

on a happy sidenote, my online shopping stuff has arrived! happiness :D

chai siew ling, we have to meet up okay? your birthday celebration! and genny's too! all at once :) liowch, you are included so don't pretend you never see this. hahahah.

PS: i've replied to tags in the Dance post already! :) please scroll all the way down. thanks dearies!

song dedicated to y'all! :D



Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make it feel good when it hurts so bad
The best that I've had
And I'm so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy